OUT OF THE FOG!

 

Moving from Confusion to Clarity After NA!

This is a topic that I became familiar with through the personal experience of my bestie!  It has been a roller coaster of a ride for her, but not one of fun! Perhaps you can relate? 

Read on!  

My bestie, although she now knows what they are into, is finding it so difficult to walk away, despite not being married to him. 

Having tried to walk away, there is just this feeling in her that maybe she could just do enough to make him love her 'just as she is'!   So she goes back! 

This is never going to happen, as they are too self absorbed to even care about you feel and the level of pain caused by their actions, words, threats and sometimes physical interactions, just to get what they want, all used to make the other person comply to their wishes and demands.  

Out of the fog was a complete revelation to my bestie when she was accused of being jealous.  This great book helped her to see through it and what was really happening!  He deliberately accused her of being jealous when she wasn't, but as he began a campaign of put downs, criticisms, name calling and labelling, making her feel so low about herself she began to feel insecure, inferior, lonely and just about to be dumped by him when another took his fancy! It leaves you in a dark and isolated place!   AND, When things don't go their way, they are almost like the devil coming out of their disguise.  

'The FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt". These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others. 

However, this type of destructive manipulation isn't just limited to narcissists and sociopaths. There is no shortage of people with well-intended bad advice out there who unintentionally fall into the FOG as well and push targets of abuse into keeping the relationship going.'

Realising that you are living or dating a narcissist can be a challenging and emotionally distressing experience. Here's a summary of what it might be like:

Initial Attraction: At the beginning of the relationship, narcissists often present themselves as charming, confident, and captivating individuals. They might shower you with attention, compliments, and gifts, making you feel special and valued.

Intense Focus: As the relationship progresses, you might notice that the narcissist's attention becomes increasingly focused on themselves. They may dominate conversations, steer discussions back to their own achievements, and display an excessive need for admiration.

Manipulative Behavior: Over time, you might start noticing subtle signs of manipulation. Narcissists often exploit others for their own gain, attempting to control situations and people to maintain their sense of superiority.

Lack of Empathy: One of the key traits of narcissism is a lack of genuine empathy. You might find that the narcissist struggles to understand or acknowledge your feelings, dismissing your concerns or emotions as insignificant.

Constant Need for Validation: Narcissists have an insatiable need for validation and may become upset or defensive if they feel their ego isn't being sufficiently stroked. This could lead to situations where you feel compelled to constantly reassure and support them.

Emotional Rollercoaster: Living or dating a narcissist often involves emotional highs and lows. They might alternate between periods of affection and praise and periods of criticism or neglect. This inconsistency can leave you feeling confused and insecure.

Isolation and Control: Narcissists may attempt to isolate you from friends and family, wanting to exert control over your social circle and support systems. This isolation can make it harder for you to recognize the unhealthy dynamics in the relationship.

Blame and Gaslighting: When conflicts arise, a narcissist might manipulate situations to make you doubt your own perceptions and memories. This tactic, known as gaslighting, can lead you to question your own sanity and judgment.

Draining and Exhausting: Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting. You might feel drained by their constant need for attention, their self-centered behaviour, and the ongoing power struggles.

Realization and Decision: Eventually, you may start to see through the façade and recognize the narcissistic traits. This realization can be a difficult and painful process, as you come to terms with the fact that the person you thought you knew is not who they portrayed themselves to be.

Taking Action: Once you understand that you're dealing with a narcissist, you'll face decisions about whether to confront the behaviour, seek therapy or counselling, or ultimately end the relationship for your own well-being.

Remember that every individual and relationship is unique, and not all experiences with narcissists will be the same. If you suspect you're involved with a narcissist, seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals can be crucial in navigating this challenging situation.