Has anybody said you do not listen very well? Well that happened to me from a past girlfriend. It sure did hurt. My reply to her was 'What' No I wasn't being funny either. It was natural to say. She was having financial problems and I was trying to fix her problem. That's when she said I don't listen very well, really at all.
So that was one of the tips. Stop trying to fix people. It is hard to do. As I was teaching these skills of listening to an older man in his 80's he stated to me that he couldn't stop trying to fix someone. It was an impossible task for him to try to attempt. He just had to fix. That is also a way to cut the connection with someone. Stop Fixing! please?
Another tip which is almost impossible to attempt is to answer somebody who is talking with a question of a value included. Like are you wanting honesty or trust? This is a way to build a question and connection. I teach this very simply yet people do not get it. It is a paradigm shift. People do not want to use values even though it is building great communication. Usually they answer with a huh because they are not used to receiving understanding. It feels good though
It is a different way to speak to someone. You are speaking to them with understanding. It is a deeper understanding what somebody is going through or experiencing. Empathy isn't a word we use in life even though a President said to use it. Nobody really knows what it really means. It is just a deeper understanding to someone. It is not feeling their feelings. Who wants to feel bad? Yet it is a way to connect with somebody deeper. It actually feels good for both people.
One thing that everybody wants to do is one upping. This is trying to make somebody's story seem smaller than it is by your story that tops theirs. Do you use this insane way to communicate. Guess what, nobody likes to have their story seem smaller than it is. Offer that person empathy. Yes, a deeper understanding using connection. You will make a new friend too.
So empathy is 2 things. One it is a question like, Are you wanting _______? The blank is a need or quality word such as honesty if someone is not telling the whole story. It could be care, love, healing or quality. Don't try to give too much empathy. A little dab will do it or you maybe sounding like a Psychologist.
So have fun with this paradigm shift on your communication skills It will build your communication skills by a whopping 9 times. It is amazing!
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