How Seven Questions and Seven Traits Can Create Your Life Design

The Sevens

There are two sets of sevens that helped me create a life design framework for women and men ready to construct their best life. The first is a group of seven questions that I ask women who are planning their lives:

Life Planning

These questions help create a framework or blueprint for you to fill in to create your ideal life.

1. What will my legacy be?

This isn't about finances, although that may be part of your thinking. How do you want to be remembered? Do you want to change the world - or the lives around you - in some way? I will always remember the professor who introduced me to transformative learning as well as my great aunt, who made the world's best apple pie. Both of these people's legacies are part of the life I've created for myself. I help people transform and, although I can't recreate Auntie's pie, I best some of the best cookies around.

2. What meaningful work do I now want to do?

This goes beyond paid employment. For some women, happiness lies in the perfect career; for others, the ideal volunteer activity; for some, a combination of paid and volunteer work. One friend chose a relatively dull job so that her energies were free for her political activities. One woman I interviewed has a high-powered job and still manages to be actively involved in raising prize-winning alpacas. Others have moved into heading non-profit organizations.

3. How can I fulfill my need to nurture?

Some women live for their grandchildren. Some bond with their pets. Some cuddle infants in hospitals and orphanages. Some have wonderful plants. Some mentor. There are many ways to nurture. The two rescue cats that boss me around can tell you that.

4. How can I sustain meaningful relationships in my life?

As we age, our relationships within our families and friendship circles change. Some will move from single to in relationship; some will become parents, grandparents, perhaps great-grandparents; some will lose spouses or life partners. People move away. People die. Interests change. The need for meaningful relationships, though, continues.

5. How can I express myself creatively?

Although we may not all be painters or sculptors or writers, we all need some means of expression. It could be baking or helping friends pick the perfect outfit or gardening. It could be singing in the choir or planning perfect parties. Whatever your outlet, creativity is part of a joyous life.

6. How can I meet my spiritual needs?

Spirituality does not need to be limited to formal religion to be part of a balanced life. In this context, spirituality refers to awareness of something greater than yourself from which you gain meaning. Perhaps you worship regularly. Perhaps you meditate. Perhaps you spend time in nature. Spirituality is about having a regular outlet for self-renewal.

7. What surroundings do I want?

This is about finding the right place for your ideal life. For every woman who moves to a big city later in life, there is another who seeks a simpler, more rural life. Will necessities like medical care or mobility limit your choices? Who will you want to be near? What services do you need? What activities are important to you?

Creating a Vibrant Life

The second seven is a set of characteristics that I found in the women I interviewed. These are the traits that supported creating a satisfying, lives and wild life:

1. Resilience.

Most of us face challenges in life. What's important is having the ability to bounce back; to rise above them; to find an alternate path. Yes, we may initially respond with depression, immobility, grief and that's both understandable and normal. But at some point, it's time to move on. I've interviewed women who have lost children, husbands, parents, friends. I've interviewed women whose businesses collapsed, who got fired or lost jobs, who filed for bankruptcy, who survived floods and fires and rape and abuse and cancer. And they all found a way to learn from tragedy and to rebuild their lives. And they're happy and successful moving forward.

2. Persistence.

If something didn't work the first time, these women tried again. Or tried something slightly different. Or found a whole new path to achieve what they'd wanted from the original goal. They didn't give up or walk away.

3. Curiosity and Restlessness.

So many women are lifelong learners. They are always exploring. Some described themselves as easily bored. It amazed me to find so many women whose attitude was, "been there, done that, loved it." This was always followed by asking what's next. Curiosity keeps us live, aware, exploring, and excited.

4. Openness to New Things.

This is similar to curiosity. Women who create their ideal lives are much more likely to say "why not?" than "why?" If offered the opportunity to create a new business or move to Asia, they're there.

5. Scanning the Environment, Recombining and Synthesizing.

What do you see when you look at the world? This is about being able to take both a broad and narrow view. It's easier to create your ideal life when you see how everything you know or have done can be recombined and synthesized - reused in unexpected ways or brought together in an unusual manner. Many of the most successful women I spoke with were also able to scan the horizon and see emerging trends and possibilities.

6. Dealing with Fear

Many of us may be afraid on a regular basis. What do you do when faced with fear? How do you separate unrealistic fears from realistic ones?

7. Creating a Legacy and Having Fun

According to Jung, the second half of life is about making meaning. What will your legacy be? What will you have contributed to the world. And finally, are you enjoying your life? Fun keeps us vibrant and young. What's fun for you?

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How can I create a compelling future?

How can I create a compelling future?

If you’re having trouble achieving with your goal setting, it’s tempting to just stop trying to make any changes. People say things like “Maybe this is just it,” or “I should settle for what I have instead.” But frequently what’s getting in the way of achievement is the actual goal. If your goal is “lose weight,” well, when do you know you’re done? When you’ve lost 1 pound? 5? 40? Without a clear target, it’s difficult to know when you’ve hit it.

Here we’ll cover how to run your own goal-setting workshop. You’ll learn what makes for compelling goals as well as the steps you need to take to see them through.

Why have goals anyway?

Having goals is the fundamental key to success. Goals let us create our future in advance of it actually happening. Setting goals help us grow and expand, pushing ourselves to transform in ways that, just maybe, we never imagined. We’re willing to bet if you’re reading this page you’ve set a goal or two in your life — but are you goal setting effectively? Will your goals transform your life in the ways you want?

Many times people set goals but never quite achieve them. One common reason is that their goals aren’t compelling or inspiring. You’re much more likely to put time and energy into something that excites you. We’re talking makes you leap out of bed in the morning ready to go. Think of a goal as a dream with a deadline. So how do you create a compelling goal?

The two key questions for compelling goal setting

1. Identify your goals: What do you want? Something almost magical happens when you take generalized desires and start defining them more precisely through goal setting.
2. Identify your purpose: Why do you want it? What will it bring you? If you know what you’re moving towards, you’ll find ways to make it happen. Remember: reasons come first, then the answers.

Oh, and if this all sounds familiar to you, great! Repetition is the mother of all skills, so you’re on your way to becoming master of your goals, and, thus, your future.

Create and maintain momentum with S.M.A.R.T. goals

When setting goals, make sure they follow these principles. A goal should be:

• Specific: The more detailed you can be, the better. “I want to lose 20 pounds” is a good start, but “I want to lose 20 pounds so that I can wear my favorite clothes again this June,” makes it easier to visualize and achieve what you want.
• Measurable: Here precision is your friend. When you can measure, you’ll actually see your progress and know when you achieve it. Concrete criteria helps everyone stay on track. For example, “get better at money” is not measurable; it’s unclear what “better” means here. But have the goal to understand your current spending patterns, pay off your credit cards, and start saving 25% of your income per month by the end of the year — now you have benchmarks that you can achieve and recalibrate if necessary.
• Achievable: If you can’t actually attain your goal it will only serve to frustrate and dishearten you. You’re not going to create a billion-dollar business or become a world-class concert pianist overnight. Many times when we’re creating big goals we get too lofty, making them seem impossible. This leads us to the next element…
• Realistic: Perhaps in an ideal world you’d have six hours a day to work on your golf swing or tennis game. You live in the real world, not an ideal one, so make sure you’re setting goals that match up with reality.
• (in a) Time Frame: Having a clear idea of your timeline creates a sense of urgency. You’ll be working towards what you want more quickly.

Having this level of clarity puts power behind your goals and ensures you can measure your progress more often and take new actions. Ready to try making some goals of your own? Click below to start your very own goals workshop, Tony-style. You’ll need some paper and a pen or pencil, so grab those before you click.

Goal Setting Step 1: Take 6 minutes and brainstorm a list of anything you’d like to achieve, create, do, have, give, and/or experience in the next 20 years. Write as many things down as fast as you can in this time.

Goal Setting Step 2: Now go back through your list and write 1, 3, 5, 10, or 20 years next to each goal to indicate how long it will take to achieve them. You have a minute and a half to get this done, so be quick and go with your gut.

Goal Setting Step 3: Review your list. Choose your top four 1-year goals. These are goals that make you really excited. Write a paragraph for each goal explaining why you will absolutely achieve this goal within the next 12 months. This should take you about 15-20 minutes total.

Now, if you have the chance to share what you’ve written down with a friend, family member or other person you trust, do so. If not, just say them out loud to yourself.

Final concept? There are 3 steps in Personal Power — put your goals where you’ll see them daily, write down and take at least one action towards achieving your goals, and the rocking chair test: visualize yourself older and looking back. What’s the pain from not achieving, and what is the pleasure from having achieved your goals?.

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