How Seven Questions and Seven Traits Can Create Your Life Design

The Sevens

There are two sets of sevens that helped me create a life design framework for women and men ready to construct their best life. The first is a group of seven questions that I ask women who are planning their lives:

Life Planning

These questions help create a framework or blueprint for you to fill in to create your ideal life.

1. What will my legacy be?

This isn't about finances, although that may be part of your thinking. How do you want to be remembered? Do you want to change the world - or the lives around you - in some way? I will always remember the professor who introduced me to transformative learning as well as my great aunt, who made the world's best apple pie. Both of these people's legacies are part of the life I've created for myself. I help people transform and, although I can't recreate Auntie's pie, I best some of the best cookies around.

2. What meaningful work do I now want to do?

This goes beyond paid employment. For some women, happiness lies in the perfect career; for others, the ideal volunteer activity; for some, a combination of paid and volunteer work. One friend chose a relatively dull job so that her energies were free for her political activities. One woman I interviewed has a high-powered job and still manages to be actively involved in raising prize-winning alpacas. Others have moved into heading non-profit organizations.

3. How can I fulfill my need to nurture?

Some women live for their grandchildren. Some bond with their pets. Some cuddle infants in hospitals and orphanages. Some have wonderful plants. Some mentor. There are many ways to nurture. The two rescue cats that boss me around can tell you that.

4. How can I sustain meaningful relationships in my life?

As we age, our relationships within our families and friendship circles change. Some will move from single to in relationship; some will become parents, grandparents, perhaps great-grandparents; some will lose spouses or life partners. People move away. People die. Interests change. The need for meaningful relationships, though, continues.

5. How can I express myself creatively?

Although we may not all be painters or sculptors or writers, we all need some means of expression. It could be baking or helping friends pick the perfect outfit or gardening. It could be singing in the choir or planning perfect parties. Whatever your outlet, creativity is part of a joyous life.

6. How can I meet my spiritual needs?

Spirituality does not need to be limited to formal religion to be part of a balanced life. In this context, spirituality refers to awareness of something greater than yourself from which you gain meaning. Perhaps you worship regularly. Perhaps you meditate. Perhaps you spend time in nature. Spirituality is about having a regular outlet for self-renewal.

7. What surroundings do I want?

This is about finding the right place for your ideal life. For every woman who moves to a big city later in life, there is another who seeks a simpler, more rural life. Will necessities like medical care or mobility limit your choices? Who will you want to be near? What services do you need? What activities are important to you?

Creating a Vibrant Life

The second seven is a set of characteristics that I found in the women I interviewed. These are the traits that supported creating a satisfying, lives and wild life:

1. Resilience.

Most of us face challenges in life. What's important is having the ability to bounce back; to rise above them; to find an alternate path. Yes, we may initially respond with depression, immobility, grief and that's both understandable and normal. But at some point, it's time to move on. I've interviewed women who have lost children, husbands, parents, friends. I've interviewed women whose businesses collapsed, who got fired or lost jobs, who filed for bankruptcy, who survived floods and fires and rape and abuse and cancer. And they all found a way to learn from tragedy and to rebuild their lives. And they're happy and successful moving forward.

2. Persistence.

If something didn't work the first time, these women tried again. Or tried something slightly different. Or found a whole new path to achieve what they'd wanted from the original goal. They didn't give up or walk away.

3. Curiosity and Restlessness.

So many women are lifelong learners. They are always exploring. Some described themselves as easily bored. It amazed me to find so many women whose attitude was, "been there, done that, loved it." This was always followed by asking what's next. Curiosity keeps us live, aware, exploring, and excited.

4. Openness to New Things.

This is similar to curiosity. Women who create their ideal lives are much more likely to say "why not?" than "why?" If offered the opportunity to create a new business or move to Asia, they're there.

5. Scanning the Environment, Recombining and Synthesizing.

What do you see when you look at the world? This is about being able to take both a broad and narrow view. It's easier to create your ideal life when you see how everything you know or have done can be recombined and synthesized - reused in unexpected ways or brought together in an unusual manner. Many of the most successful women I spoke with were also able to scan the horizon and see emerging trends and possibilities.

6. Dealing with Fear

Many of us may be afraid on a regular basis. What do you do when faced with fear? How do you separate unrealistic fears from realistic ones?

7. Creating a Legacy and Having Fun

According to Jung, the second half of life is about making meaning. What will your legacy be? What will you have contributed to the world. And finally, are you enjoying your life? Fun keeps us vibrant and young. What's fun for you?

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Running Late Again - Is It a Habit?

Once upon a time it might have been OK to be "fashionably late." It may still be so in some circumstances. However, chronic day-to-day lateness is another matter.

Some people are always late, no matter how much time they have to get ready, or how far in advance they knew they had an appointment. It is true that sometimes being late is unavoidable. But for the chronically late that is not the case. You probably know some of these individuals. They come in breathless, flustered, apologizing, usually 10 or 15 minutes behind schedule.

Have you considered that you may be one of these chronically late people? Do any of the following scenarios sound familiar?

* The last minute always finds you rushing; even though you've told yourself many times that it wouldn't happen again. Time just seemed to "slip away."
* You've tried setting your watch ahead, but for some reason, you're still late.
* You're usually at least 10-15 minutes late for meetings, doctor/dental appointments, classes, church, and everywhere else you need to be on time.
* You make excuses, such as: "I had an important call," or "Something came up," or "I had to stop for gas."
* You sense people are annoyed or angry at your tardiness, they seem distant and aloof.

Do those descriptions fit? If so, isn't it time to admit you have a problem with punctuality? Chronic lateness is not a medical condition, nor is it inherited. There is no one to blame but you.

Is it possible your chronic lateness is because you have a lack in self-discipline? Are there other things in life that you can control, such as how much you eat, how much you watch television, etc.? If so, then one wonders why you haven't taken control of chronic tardiness.

Chronic latecomers are an inconvenience and annoyance to everyone. For example, their late arrival disrupts the class, causing teacher and students to lose their trains of thought. It puts the teacher in an awkward position - should he stop and review the materials already covered, should he ignore the latecomer, should he pause while that person gets settled, and he has regained the attention of the class?

If a meeting or a class starts at 10:00 a.m, shouldn't students (adults included) be in their seats and ready for class at 10:00 a.m.? Likewise, if the teacher is late it sets a very bad example for the students, and diminishes his credibility.

Children don't have a developed sense of time. They are not able to tell how long something is going to take to do, or how long it takes to get somewhere. But adults are capable of knowing these things. So, as adults, should we not be capable of budgeting our time in a more effective manner?

To paraphrase a famous psychologist:
What is your payoff? If you are a chronic latecomer, ask yourself why you are late. There must be a payoff for the behavior. You wouldn't continue unless you were getting some reward for it. Do you enjoy having everyone turn and acknowledge your entrance? Do you enjoy the attention you get when you apologize, and explain your current reason for being late?

Examine your mental process. If you know that it takes 45 minutes to get ready and arrive at a destination, ask yourself why you would waste 30 minutes doing something non-related, and then rush to get ready and then have to scurry, hoping to make it to your destination in 15 minutes. How do you justify the behavior? No excuses - you simply didn't plan your time effectively.

Be honest to yourself about your tardiness. If you are always late, yet you tell yourself and others that you try to be on time, you are lying to yourself. You can't always be late unless you want to be.

Make priorities. If it helps, write a daily list. And stick to it. Don't wait until the last minute to do things. If it would help, make a time sheet, assigning certain tasks to certain time slots. If you don't get a task done within the allotted time, relegate it to another day, or rework your list of priorities, moving tasks with low priority to another day. Allow "down time", time to just relax, and reward yourself for what you've accomplished thus far.

Be prepared. Do as much as possible in advance. Have everything ready to grab and walk out the door. However, be aware that unexpected circumstances can arise. But if you are well prepared, those unexpected events will usually be a distraction, rather than a derailment.

Firmly and deliberately apply negative consequences to your behavior. When not faced with negative consequences to your tardiness, you will continue to be late. To change this behavior, cost yourself something of value every time you are late. This will discourage you from continuing the behavior. The penalty needs to be something that is disturbing to you. For example, if you are late for church, do not allow yourself to watch television for a week. (This works very well if you have a teenager in the house who consistently causes everyone else to be late) Follow through with the self-discipline. Don't give in to yourself.

Habitual tardiness is a habit that manifests itself by showing disrespect to others. But the good news is that because it is a habit, it can be broken and remedied with a little attention and determination. You will thank yourself, and others will be very appreciative if you make the effort to master this habit. If nothing else, it will be worth the look on everyone's faces when you finally and consistently show up on time!

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