10 Signs You're Being Used in a Relationship

Waking up to the truth about who you surround yourself with can hurt. A lot.

(It isn't for the fainthearted.) But when you constantly give and aren't receiving what you need - it's time to get honest. Yes it sucks, but truly? It sucks MORE if you don't.

Because giving more than you receive means you are surrounded by users and that leads to HUGE resentment, EXHAUSTION and puts a huge FULL STOP on your own personal trajectory.

That's why it's so important for you to GET REAL about who you give your energy to - because that person? Might be the very reason you're really not going anywhere.

Come with me and let's take a look around...

Firstly tell me out loud - what could the next 6 months look like if you were operating at your highest potential? With no drains on you?

Now I know you already know about the obvious drains to your highest potential - (like procrastinating.)

But what of the people close to you... is it possible that you're giving more than you're receiving?

And somebody who takes more than they give? Unless they're sick, or going through a tough patch, um - long term takers?

We call USERS. Because they USE your time for their own purposes.

10 signs that you're being used in a relationship, friendship or business relationship:

1. They talk about themselves and ask you about how you are almost as an afterthought.
2. If you do talk about yourself you become overly aware within moments that their awareness has wandered... so you tail off and the conversation peters out...
3. The conversation always flows though when you talk about them.
4. They are quick to point out how what you did hurt them.
5. But get angry/manipulative /make you guilty / when you tell them that they've hurt you. So you don't really go there because you know they'll make it all about them anyway.
6. You often feel wrong around them, so you find yourself often apologising, cap in hand and putting their needs first. It's just easier.
7. They don't see your needs as important as theirs.
8. Their words sound caring, but their actions are anything but. Don't be fooled by their words. Ever.
9. You're so busy supporting them that you've stopped noticing how badly they're treating you.
10. You feel tired after you're with them. So tired in fact that you've stopped your own trajectory.

So - what to do if you're realising with slight horror that you might just have a user in your midst? Somebody that is using you to get to the top. Using you for their own sexual, selfish, needs in a relationship?
Using you to sort out their problems instead of going to a coach? Using you to feel better? To make a lot of money for themselves? To get what they want?

You DECIDE that YOU and your beautiful energy matter. That you will continue going no-where until you either transform this relationship or let it go.

That they are hurting your long term prospects more than you know because:

• They are not as loyal to you as you are to them. You always show up for them. And if you're honest they don't treat you with as much thought.
• They don't respect your time, your feelings, your professional standing, your boundaries, or when you say no. Soooo draining.
• They don't say thank you.
• They make you wait.
• They don't invest in you or your future.
• They don't credit your ideas or input, and they don't apologise.
• They get angry if you stop giving them what they want: Your energy, your body, your attention.
• They are overly sensitive to how you treat them, but seem to miss all the details that are important to you.
• They withhold money, payment, promises and promotions.
• They genuinely do not care about your future. If they did they would ask you how you are and genuinely support you to get to your future too.
• You will remain disappointed and resentful and exhausted in this relationship for as long as it's unfair.
• They rise and get what they want, whereas if you're honest you're still standing still.

Here's the sad fact about users:

They use you and your energy because they themselves are out of alignment: Instead of receiving energy from spirit and from themselves they've found it easier to get it from you. And you're giving it. So they attach to you and use you.

But users often feel empty so they have to ring you lots or find ways to be around you lots.

Here's the thing - there are always going to be people who have forgotten that they ask too much of others and don't give enough. You can only be in relationship with them if you've forgotten too and give them your valuable energy instead of teaching them to find it within themselves.

So, here's my mini guide to unhook you from a user:

• Write down the cost of your energy going into a user rather than building your future.
• Thank them for this healing mirror. They are a mirror to your apathy for yourself. They couldn't do this to you if you weren't already doing this to yourself.
• Start doing one thing a day towards YOUR future.
• Stop taking their calls. Gradually wean them off you by not answering as many as the weeks roll by.
• If you do take a call simply begin by saying "hi, I've only 10 minutes to talk so I've just set the timer on my phone so I don't miss my next appointment with myself" Genuinly set the timer, let it go off so they hear it and say "gotta go" and PUT THE PHONE DOWN.
• A true friend, lover, boss will totally support you in this. A user will try to keep talking through it.

Remember who you really are.

Remember why you are here on this planet.

Use your energy wisely.

I'd love to hear from you in the comments below - has this ever happened to you? How did you unhook?

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Here's How Your Life Changes In 1-2-3

Get Real.

Here's how your life changes in 1,2,3.

Pull the veil back. This takes 3 minutes. And if you let it? This will change your life today.

1. Get real. First off this is the most important bit because I'm asking you to get real with what's not working in your life. Take a breath - is it your sex life? Men? Money? Job? House? Where you live? How you live? Kids? Not having kids? Illness? Death? Trouble? Yes this is the get real bit. What's been happening for you these past few days? What got you down? What's getting you down now? Say it out loud to me and then write it down, just jot it down now on a bit of paper. See? This is you getting real - Goddess it suits you!

When you're honest with yourself you can only make good decisions

You deserve to - so take a breath and ask yourself:

2. How long have I been putting up with this? Dealing with this? Trying to make it work? Has my approach worked? Again - time for you to get real. It's OK, this is where you get real honest with yourself and it's OK if your answer is no. Truly.

Acknowledging the truth to yourself lightens the load.

Excuses and fakeness weigh real heavy when you believe in them

So you've heard yourself say what's really bothering you and whether or not your approach has been helping, so...

3. What action can you take that will alter your life? Remember baby steps make the big steps! Allow yourself to hear it - what action naturally springs to mind when you're honest about your situation? And here's the thing - there's usually something in the way or you would be doing this action already - right? So if you're not doing this action this minute - what thought is in your way?

Here are some of the gems I've picked up along the way from coaching clients and from the inside of my head - and they seem very real at the time:

It's OK, it will work out, it's all good! It will get better. I'll do it soon. It's up to them, not me. It's out of my hands. Who am I to do this? They won't believe me. They don't listen to me so what's the point? I can't handle that right now, it scares me. It's not the right time. I'm not good enough. I'll lose everything. That it's unchangeable.

What thought do you need to DROP this minute? Tell me out loud as you jot it down. Because this thought - is what keeps you going round in circles and not up and outta here!

So to take the action you need to and to feel better right now - what story can you begin telling yourself right now?

That you always win? That you're the STAR of your own story and the heroine (that's you) had to get real to realise she was short changing herself? In accepting a life that didn't fit her anymore? Because she was worth more than that and so today she's going to tell herself that she can have this situation exactly as she wants it and so she's going to take action right now on it which makes her feel like a million dollars... and so... and so... how does the story end?

I'm all ears! (Tell me in the comments below.)

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