IT'S TIME TO GET OVER IT! - Powerful Motivational Speech for Success - Les Brown Motivation

How Seven Questions and Seven Traits Can Create Your Life Design

The Sevens

There are two sets of sevens that helped me create a life design framework for women and men ready to construct their best life. The first is a group of seven questions that I ask women who are planning their lives:

Life Planning

These questions help create a framework or blueprint for you to fill in to create your ideal life.

1. What will my legacy be?

This isn't about finances, although that may be part of your thinking. How do you want to be remembered? Do you want to change the world - or the lives around you - in some way? I will always remember the professor who introduced me to transformative learning as well as my great aunt, who made the world's best apple pie. Both of these people's legacies are part of the life I've created for myself. I help people transform and, although I can't recreate Auntie's pie, I best some of the best cookies around.

2. What meaningful work do I now want to do?

This goes beyond paid employment. For some women, happiness lies in the perfect career; for others, the ideal volunteer activity; for some, a combination of paid and volunteer work. One friend chose a relatively dull job so that her energies were free for her political activities. One woman I interviewed has a high-powered job and still manages to be actively involved in raising prize-winning alpacas. Others have moved into heading non-profit organizations.

3. How can I fulfill my need to nurture?

Some women live for their grandchildren. Some bond with their pets. Some cuddle infants in hospitals and orphanages. Some have wonderful plants. Some mentor. There are many ways to nurture. The two rescue cats that boss me around can tell you that.

4. How can I sustain meaningful relationships in my life?

As we age, our relationships within our families and friendship circles change. Some will move from single to in relationship; some will become parents, grandparents, perhaps great-grandparents; some will lose spouses or life partners. People move away. People die. Interests change. The need for meaningful relationships, though, continues.

5. How can I express myself creatively?

Although we may not all be painters or sculptors or writers, we all need some means of expression. It could be baking or helping friends pick the perfect outfit or gardening. It could be singing in the choir or planning perfect parties. Whatever your outlet, creativity is part of a joyous life.

6. How can I meet my spiritual needs?

Spirituality does not need to be limited to formal religion to be part of a balanced life. In this context, spirituality refers to awareness of something greater than yourself from which you gain meaning. Perhaps you worship regularly. Perhaps you meditate. Perhaps you spend time in nature. Spirituality is about having a regular outlet for self-renewal.

7. What surroundings do I want?

This is about finding the right place for your ideal life. For every woman who moves to a big city later in life, there is another who seeks a simpler, more rural life. Will necessities like medical care or mobility limit your choices? Who will you want to be near? What services do you need? What activities are important to you?

Creating a Vibrant Life

The second seven is a set of characteristics that I found in the women I interviewed. These are the traits that supported creating a satisfying, lives and wild life:

1. Resilience.

Most of us face challenges in life. What's important is having the ability to bounce back; to rise above them; to find an alternate path. Yes, we may initially respond with depression, immobility, grief and that's both understandable and normal. But at some point, it's time to move on. I've interviewed women who have lost children, husbands, parents, friends. I've interviewed women whose businesses collapsed, who got fired or lost jobs, who filed for bankruptcy, who survived floods and fires and rape and abuse and cancer. And they all found a way to learn from tragedy and to rebuild their lives. And they're happy and successful moving forward.

2. Persistence.

If something didn't work the first time, these women tried again. Or tried something slightly different. Or found a whole new path to achieve what they'd wanted from the original goal. They didn't give up or walk away.

3. Curiosity and Restlessness.

So many women are lifelong learners. They are always exploring. Some described themselves as easily bored. It amazed me to find so many women whose attitude was, "been there, done that, loved it." This was always followed by asking what's next. Curiosity keeps us live, aware, exploring, and excited.

4. Openness to New Things.

This is similar to curiosity. Women who create their ideal lives are much more likely to say "why not?" than "why?" If offered the opportunity to create a new business or move to Asia, they're there.

5. Scanning the Environment, Recombining and Synthesizing.

What do you see when you look at the world? This is about being able to take both a broad and narrow view. It's easier to create your ideal life when you see how everything you know or have done can be recombined and synthesized - reused in unexpected ways or brought together in an unusual manner. Many of the most successful women I spoke with were also able to scan the horizon and see emerging trends and possibilities.

6. Dealing with Fear

Many of us may be afraid on a regular basis. What do you do when faced with fear? How do you separate unrealistic fears from realistic ones?

7. Creating a Legacy and Having Fun

According to Jung, the second half of life is about making meaning. What will your legacy be? What will you have contributed to the world. And finally, are you enjoying your life? Fun keeps us vibrant and young. What's fun for you?

So, here are fourteen things for you to think about. I'll go into greater details on each in the next few weeks.

Women over fifty are creating wonderful lives for themselves - and you can too! Create a Blueprint for your next phase, repurpose your skills, and discover how seven characteristics can help you create the life you deserve

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10 Steps to Detox Your Life

1. Frequently late

The cure to lateness is twofold: learn to estimate time better, and get more organized, so you are not delayed by looking for last minute items. "How to Stretch Time" can help. Perhaps the most important reason to cure yourself of lateness is that it is rude to others, and costs you their good opinion. If your partner is late, stop waiting! Set a reasonable grace period (eg: 15 minutes) and then leave; leaving a note about how to meet you wherever you're going. That way, you are not forced to operate on the other person's time schedule. You'll be surprised at how quickly he or she will learn to be on time.

2. Often angry or irritated

Being easily angered or irritated is a great way to punish yourself. It raises your blood pressure, and tends to create unnecessary problems with others. Anger interferes with clear thinking, and being irritable makes it unpleasant and difficult for others to work or socialize with you. To reform this habit, you must develop more emotional maturity. Understand that your anger is not seen as power by others, but as childishness and petulance. It will lose you far more than you will gain. Learn to slow down, and reduce your overly high expectations. Allow others to be themselves, and don't expect them to march to your drum. Counting to 10 works wonders, as does taking three deep breaths when you are upset.

A discipline like yoga, meditation, tai chi, or another calming pursuit will teach you patience. Strenuous physical activity is a great way to burn off excess anger. If none of these work, see a therapist or join an anger management group.

3. Unsure of ability to do something

Insecurity and feelings of incompetence are definitely stressful, but they may also be useful. Find out if you really are unprepared for the task ahead. Don't be afraid to ask questions, or ask for help. It's OK to be a beginner, even if you're an expert in other things. If you don't try to pretend you're better than you are, you will get more help from others. Take it slowly, and allow yourself to learn as you go. Above all, be supportive to yourself, and don't subject yourself to harsh internal criticism.

4. Overextended

Frequently becoming overextended can be a sign of grandiosity -- overblown expectations of your abilities -- or of trying to control everything. Reduce your expectations of your own accomplishments, and allow others to help you in their own way. In the long run, being a team player is usually more efficient than trying to do it all alone and becoming overwhelmed.

5. Not enough time for stress relief

This is an aspect of being overextended, and may be a sign that you always come last in your own life. Learn to schedule time for yourself to relax and to play. If you write personal time on your schedule the same way you do appointments with others, you'll be more likely to actually do it. Join a class or group that meets regularly for a relaxing activity such as dancing, stretching or meditation, or schedule a regular massage, manicure or facial, so you'll have a guaranteed place to relax.

6. Feeling unbearably tense

If your anxiety is this high, you may need therapy. Anxiety and panic attacks are among the easiest things to fix in counseling sessions. Anxiety is usually the result of non-stop negative self-talk, which keeps you anxious about everything. Try affirmations and/or prayer to counteract the running commentary in your mind. Learn to breathe deeply from your diaphragm when you feel anxious -- it slows your heartbeat and calms you down.

7. Frequently pessimistic

A negative attitude is a result of negative self-talk, and of a negative attitude probably learned in childhood. There are many self-help books which will guide you in learning to change the nature of your approach to life, including It Ends With You. Techniques such as prayer and affirmations, counting your blessings, and setting small goals every day will help you turn this around.

8. Upset by conflicts with others

All conflict is upsetting. The key is to reduce the amount of conflict in your life. Many of the above techniques, such as anger reduction and positive self-talk, will contribute to improving your relationships with others. In addition, you can learn better social techniques such as active

listening, positive regard, win-win negotiation and clear communication which will eliminate the source of conflict. Learn to listen to others (even when you don't agree) and, before speaking, consider how your words might feel to the other person. Treat other people more as you would like them to treat you, and, most important, stop and think before reacting to someone else.

9. Worn-out or burned-out

Burnout is the result of feeling overextended or ineffective for a long period of time. Most of us can deal with small amounts of frustration or feeling overwhelmed, but if it goes on too long, we lose all our motivation, and become burned out. Motivation comes from celebration and appreciation, so learn to celebrate each little accomplishment, and seek appreciation when you need it. If you have trouble doing that, perhaps it's time to make a career change or to change some other aspect of your life.

10. Feeling lonely

Loneliness may not result from actually being alone, but more from feeling misunderstood or not valued. People often isolate themselves because they feel inadequate in social situations. Value the friends you do have, and make new friends by attending classes or other group events where you can focus on a task or assignment. This will take the pressure off your contact with other people, and give you something in common with them. Be wary of spending too much time on your computer, in chat rooms, etc. These activities absorb time, but do little to dispel loneliness. Make sure you schedule some time with a friend at least once a week, and if you don't have friends, then use that weekly time to take a class or join a group (for example, a book club or sports group) which will give you a chance to make new friends.

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Mastering Motivation - Lessons in Creating Forever Change

Motivation (a few definitions):

(1) A psychological concept with no single universally accepted definition, but which organisational sociologists believe concerns the determinants of intent, effort and tenacity, factors that push or pull us as individuals to behave in a particular manner.

(2) Feelings that drive someone toward a particular objective.

(3) The push of the mental forces to accomplish an action. Unsatisfied needs motivate. On the biological level basic human needs of food, shelter and survival are powerful motivators. On the psychological level people need to be understood, affirmed, validated and appreciated. On the business level motivation occurs when people perceive a clear business reason for pursuing a transfer of knowledge or practices.

If you look up the word Motivation you'll find many contrasting, and almost contradictory definitions of what it is (I found over fifty in five minutes).
It seems that even those who define it aren't exactly sure what it is.
It is definitely (in my opinion anyway) the most over-used (and mis-understood) word on the personal development landscape.

We all kinda know what it is... but at the same time, we don't.
It seems that motivation is (represented by) different things for different people.

I just asked someone (a random person in the gym) what their definition of motivation was and they said, "something which makes us do stuff".

I said "well fear can make us do stuff... so is fear motivation?"

"Er yeh, guess so."

"Well vanity makes us do stuff... so what about vanity as a motivator?"

"Yeh.. guess so."

"Food, sex?"

"S'pose."

The reality is that we are motivated by many things.
Different things.
And the same things.

But what we're talking about in this post is the motivation that helps us create that forever change, that amazing life, that incredible body, that spectacular relationship, that new and improved reality... not the motivation that sees us standing in front of the fridge an hour after our dinner.

For many people, motivation is an emotional state which helps them get certain things done (for a while).

"I felt motivated to go for a run this morning."

"That experience gave me the motivation (changed my thinking and emotional state) to create new habits."

"Whenever I read Craig's amazing, incredible, insightful, clever, witty, life-changing posts (okay, I over did it), I feel inspired and motivated to turn my life around.

The problem with motivation being (essentially) an emotional state (or a place we get to in our head) is that it's temporary. And when the motivation disappears (which it will because our emotions and mental state fluctuate from day to day and moment to moment), then so do the new-found (desirable) behaviours.

In other words, we lose momentum.
We stop doing what we need to do to create the outcomes (realities) we so desperately desire.

For others, motivation is simply a reason to (have to) do something.

"I've gotta work 'cause I have five kids.... I'm not particularly excited about that... don't love it... just needs to be done."

"I exercise three times a week because I don't want to die from a heart attack like my father did."

The truth is that most of us alternate between can't-be-bothered, kinda-motivated and totally-in-the-zone... for much of our lives. Many of us step in and out of 'motivation' on a daily (if not, hourly) basis.

"I can't be bothered today" is a line I've heard thousands of times in my job.

"Do it anyway" I say.

"But I'm not motivated!"

"So do it... despite your lack of motivation."

"Perhaps in the doing... you'll get motivated!"

"It's not normal... but it is possible."

And the amazing thing about doing 'stuff', the stuff we know we should do (even when we're not 'motivated to do it') is that once it's done, we're SO glad we did it (and we usually discover we actually are legitimately motivated after we've done it)... and then we also discover we've developed some new getting-crap-done-even-when-we-don't-feel-like-it skills!

Good skills to have.
Trust me.

If we only do the things we need to do (to create our desired outcomes and achieve our goals) when we feel like it... then we'll never achieve much because we'll be perpetually starting and stopping.
After all, nobody feels motivated (excited, pumped, positive, focused, in-the-zone) permanently.

Lesson one:

People who succeed are usually the ones who continue to do what they need to... even when their feeling of motivation isn't there.

It is my (not particularly popular) opinion (based on a lifetime of observation) that most people who start most endeavours don't finish them.

Great at starting; crap at finishing.

We don't want to think that we're like that.

We don't want to acknowledge it.

But we are.

Often.

Many of us have a history of starting and stopping all kinds of projects and endeavours... might be academic stuff, might be some short-lived, self-improvement journey, might be a potential business or money-making venture, could be a diet or an exercise program or it could be dealing with (or not dealing with) some undesirable habit.

Or a million other things.

You know what they are (for you personally).

We start reading books, we get to chapter two.

We join a gym, we go four times.

We change our eating habits... for three days.

We plan our 'new' business venture.... for ten years!

We get pumped... we lose focus.

And while there are always a range of 'reasons' why we never finish what we start (some of them legitimate, some not), the truth is, we spend far too much time rationalising, explaining and justifying to ourselves and others why we never get the job done.

Lesson two:

Motivation needs to be a commitment, a philosophy and a choice, not an emotional state.

I consider myself to be a highly-motivated person... but I often don't 'feel' motivated.

I have made the choice to be a motivated individual.

I walk into a room (to do a presentation) and I have already made a commitment and a decision to be (personally) motivated and (publicly) motivating.

This is how it works for me:

(1) I choose to be motivated.

(2) I 'behave' motivated... even if I don't 'feel' like it (body language, communication, energy, attitude).

(3) Usually within a short period of time I start to feel genuinely different (excited, positive, happier)

(4) Not only am I 'behaving' motivated but now I'm actually feeling motivated.

Tony Robbins calls this 'changing state'.
It's called different things by the various 'experts', but my experience is that if people genuinely make the effort to do this, it works.

Not everyone agrees with my thoughts on this subject.
That's okay.
I know what works for me and many others I've worked with, so I teach what I know to be true.
Some people believe I over-simplify complex issues.

I believe some people over-complicate simple issues.

Wanna be motivated?
Then behave like you're motivated.
Talk like you're motivated.
And make the decision to be motivated, irrespective of how you're feeling.

Doesn't mean you can't have a bad day or be down... it simply means that most of the time, you're doing what most people won't.
By choice.

Lesson three:

Don't make emotional (or reactive) decisions (when it comes to creating forever results).
Spur of the moment, reactive, emotion-based decisions rarely result in life-long change.
Make sure your motivation, your passion and your emotion are all attached to a sensible and logical plan which factors in the frailties of the human condition (that is, our ability to run hot and cold).

So while some people consider motivation to be something that's almost beyond our control; we either have it, or we don't (on a given day).... I believe it's something we (can) have complete control over.

For me motivation is choice.

I choose to be motivated.

I choose to be a motivator.

I choose to create my own (internal) reality.

I choose to be motivated, even on the bad days.

I choose to keep 'doing' even when I don't 'feel' like it.

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YOU ARE THE CREATOR | Warning: This might shake up your belief system! Morgan Freeman and Wayne Dyer

This is one of the truths of our universe! Love this! What do you guys think?

Here's How Your Life Changes In 1-2-3

Get Real.

Here's how your life changes in 1,2,3.

Pull the veil back. This takes 3 minutes. And if you let it? This will change your life today.

1. Get real. First off this is the most important bit because I'm asking you to get real with what's not working in your life. Take a breath - is it your sex life? Men? Money? Job? House? Where you live? How you live? Kids? Not having kids? Illness? Death? Trouble? Yes this is the get real bit. What's been happening for you these past few days? What got you down? What's getting you down now? Say it out loud to me and then write it down, just jot it down now on a bit of paper. See? This is you getting real - Goddess it suits you!

When you're honest with yourself you can only make good decisions

You deserve to - so take a breath and ask yourself:

2. How long have I been putting up with this? Dealing with this? Trying to make it work? Has my approach worked? Again - time for you to get real. It's OK, this is where you get real honest with yourself and it's OK if your answer is no. Truly.

Acknowledging the truth to yourself lightens the load.

Excuses and fakeness weigh real heavy when you believe in them

So you've heard yourself say what's really bothering you and whether or not your approach has been helping, so...

3. What action can you take that will alter your life? Remember baby steps make the big steps! Allow yourself to hear it - what action naturally springs to mind when you're honest about your situation? And here's the thing - there's usually something in the way or you would be doing this action already - right? So if you're not doing this action this minute - what thought is in your way?

Here are some of the gems I've picked up along the way from coaching clients and from the inside of my head - and they seem very real at the time:

It's OK, it will work out, it's all good! It will get better. I'll do it soon. It's up to them, not me. It's out of my hands. Who am I to do this? They won't believe me. They don't listen to me so what's the point? I can't handle that right now, it scares me. It's not the right time. I'm not good enough. I'll lose everything. That it's unchangeable.

What thought do you need to DROP this minute? Tell me out loud as you jot it down. Because this thought - is what keeps you going round in circles and not up and outta here!

So to take the action you need to and to feel better right now - what story can you begin telling yourself right now?

That you always win? That you're the STAR of your own story and the heroine (that's you) had to get real to realise she was short changing herself? In accepting a life that didn't fit her anymore? Because she was worth more than that and so today she's going to tell herself that she can have this situation exactly as she wants it and so she's going to take action right now on it which makes her feel like a million dollars... and so... and so... how does the story end?

I'm all ears! (Tell me in the comments below.)

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