Success and Winning Changes Everything

Success is the sum of all our small efforts. Winning isn't fast and easy. Our life is built one brick at a time and one moment at a time. But we can develop a wining attitude so that we can win.

Winning is something that builds us physically and mentally every day. You must be prepared for a roller coaster ride to win though. But that is to be expected, because winning is for the hard worker and for someone who wants it bad enough.

There are moments in life when you arrive at a crossroads. Either you keep doing the same thing with the same results or you change your life and do something completely different. Winners do the latter. Winners make a decision to win.

However, to win you must make quite a few small and some not so small tweaks in your life.

First, you have to choose your friends wisely. If they are putting you down all the time and pulling you off your path, you will never win. There is a chance that those friends are losers and want you to be as well so that they can feel comfortable hanging out with you.

Second, don't spend your time in worthless pursuits such as bar hopping or hanging out until all hours of the night. You are too busy and focused for this. This drains your energy and turns you into a loser.

Third, be focused on your goal-whatever it is. Success is commitment to the process. Successful people just put in the time honing their skills and getting better all the time. They are willing to do the work.

Fourth, winners don't expect to get easy rides. They know that it will be hard work. But they believe that it is worth it, and they are willing to put in the time and energy and make the sacrifices necessary.

Fifth, remember, you won't see results right away so don't expect them. But realize that once you are successful for a while, you will be propelled to continue to work hard until you win.

Sixth, there is no magic pill to be successful. Anyone who is willing to work hard will win. So, therefore, if you work hard, you too will win. You just must believe in yourself and trust the process.

Successful know how to win. They put in the hard work and they are willing to be focused on their goal to such an extent that they won't let anything get in the way of their pursuing it. Are you ready for the challenge? Can you decide to work past small burps in the road to your destination? All it takes is the will to win, and once you develop this will, your life will change forever.

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The Rationale for Personal Development and Training

The basic rationale for personal development can be understood from the necessity to understand one's own human needs, together with spiritual, emotional and social development, because a failure to understand this about one's own self is unthinkable if trying to understand and relate to other human beings in any meaningful way.

A person's development can be perceived in many different ways; for instance as in Freud's Psychosexual Development Theory (Marshall, 2004) which looks at stages of sexual development and the frustrations connected to each stage, or Havighurst's Developmental Stages (Sugarman, 1986) and Tasks which identifies:

Tasks that arise from physical maturation

Tasks that arise from personal values

Tasks that have their source in the pressures of society

or through Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs(Maslow, 1998).

Or indeed through any of the other methods and theories that have been developed, and which may be studied and related to the needs of a counsellor in training,e.g.:

Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development Theory

Piaget's Phases of Cognitive Development

Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development

Gilligan's Theory of Moral Development

Which is to name but a few, and some of which will mean more to one person than to another.

What is really important is the core condition of recognising ourselves and others as human beings with developmental needs and developmental constructs, the understanding of which is paramount to enabling a real understanding of the human development processes and the requirements necessary in order to work towards living a contented and fulfilled existence for ourselves, and for engaging meaningfully with others working towards the same.

An individual's decisions are often influenced by social construction, by adapting our personality to fit in with the expectations of friends, family and employers; whilst in relation to any other person we may act in response to our own unconscious and emotionally fuelled expectations. The person we are depends upon our life experiences and feedback from others about how we inter-relate with those people with whom we come into contact, as well as the physical, cultural and spiritual worlds in which we find ourselves. If we are to be able to relate to others whose personal construct and developmental processes that have led to what they have become with any real empathy and congruence, we must first understand our own construct. In taking responsibility for learning about our own emotional and social actions, understanding and development, we act authentically; but allowing our social construct to make choices for us could be seen as acting un-authentically.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs takes a premise that once the most basic human needs are met it becomes possible to progress through successively more advanced levels of need, to culminate in 'self actualisation'. If we engage in exploring this process we allow ourselves the opportunity to develop a relationship with one's self which leads to and enables the establishment of a more understanding relationship with others.

This hierarchy of needs is based on a 'Humanistic' approach and the concept of 'self actualisation' as described by Carl Rogers, who stressed that self-awareness of the person, on a conscious level, is the most important way to work in understanding behaviour by making reference to the internal framework (Rogers, 1961).

Looking at Kohlberg's stages of moral development (Kegan, 1983) helps us to understand where a person might have difficulties if they have not undergone such moral development through lack of cultural or social contact, or through lack of understanding.

It is only by developing our own understanding of personal development theories and practices that we can develop the skills and practices to help others who are suffering from some lack of personal development or some misguided thinking developed during their upbringing.

Hazel Johns in her book on personal development in counsellor training (Johns, 1996) states what her minimum outline for development in counselling should include:

To learn and unlearn

To have enough sense of identity to survive and flourish in personal development and personal relationships

To love and be loved enough

To have sufficient self esteem and personal power to cope with dependence, independence and interdependence

To be resourceful and creative

To notice and oppose oppression in whatever form it comes

To be strong and vulnerable, tough and tender as needed

To understand and apply theory and skills relevantly to themselves and others

To grow in clarity about ethical standards and never be complacent

To be aware of their own and others need for support and challenge

To have a range of effective ways of being alone and in a group

To see and feel connections with a wider society and world; to be political and care about change, however they live that out.

I would take this further and state that these are things that every enlightened individual needs as an outline for their personal development in order to be a success in any form of relationship, no matter if that be personal or business based and I would add to this list:

To communicate clearly

To have an understanding of the spiritual

To understand basic mental health issues and how they affect themselves and others

and:

To understand the linkages between physical, mental and spiritual needs

It would be easy for a non-spiritual person to ignore or overlook what may be a very strong support or conversely a very damaging practice for another person. Understanding the difference between on the one hand spirituality or spiritual practices and on the other hand religion and religious practices is essential, as the first can be extremely supportive and the latter decidedly destructive when teachings and practices are restrictive and/ or unnatural.

Everyone entering into a working relationship with you has the right to expect you as a professional, in any context, to be capable and well enough equipped to be able to attend to their specific needs, and this places great demands on the professional's emotional resources.

Professionals obviously have needs of their own and those drawn into the 'helping professions' are often more comfortable giving than receiving, so it is essential that we recognise from the outset that self-awareness, self-motivation, choice and the capacity to consider alternatives are intrinsic to the human condition of identity and change; hence we need the opportunity to engage with and focus upon these things in order to be fully equipped for any role we are aiming to undertake.

Personal development is essential to the professional no matter what sector they work in, and the opportunity to engage not only in personal reflection but also in working on this personal development with someone having the understanding of the various developmental theories, at both a personal level and in relation to a group of people with various backgrounds, cultures and upbringing who are brought together through attending a developmental course is a vital opportunity.

The advantage of engaging in a personal development training course is that the course provides: A safe place to learn, the opportunity to explore different understanding and approaches to theories and explore the relational personalities of a diverse group of people willing to engage in the same subject matter along with the support of knowledgeable trainers to remedy incorrect understanding and practices and an opportunity to be introduced to theories that may not have previously been encountered.

It is therefore essential to commit to personal development at the outset of and throughout training and professional practice of any sort in order to be the best we can be. It is also important to actively seek and engage with such training after beginning a professional career by attending conferences and workshops dedicated to further personal development, and opportunities for this are available through Indulgence Un-limited as well as other professional organisations.

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A World Of Possibility

When I started my sales career over 25 years ago, I worked for a small company selling telephone answering equipment. Hard to believe it but in those days I had to explain to prospects what the equipment was for and why they might want to use it.

The company I worked for got business in several different ways. First each of the 4 sales people handled incoming calls and also made calls to people he/she thought could use the equipment. The company advertised so sometimes people called in to inquire about the products we offered. Finally the manufacturers of the equipment sent the company names of people (leads) who called the manufacturer because they were interested in the equipment.

No one particularly liked making cold calls so if we could get an incoming call we took it hoping it was a potential customer. Cold calling was part of the job however so I learned to do it in a way that made it a game. One of the other sales people really hated making the calls so he very rarely made any.

Instead of calling, this fellow would complain to whoever was available that the company didn't provide good leads, that the company should advertise more so people would know what the equipment was, and that the company should move its location to a high traffic mall so we would get walk in traffic. (We were located in a building that housed the mattress factory of the parents of the owner!)

Needless to say he didn't make many sales but it always struck me that he truly believed the problem was with the company not with himself.

Jack Canfield in his book "The Success Principles" says, "If you want to be successful, you have to take 100% responsibility for everything that you experience in your life. This includes the level of your achievements, the results you produce, the quality of your relationships, the state of your health and physical fitness, your income, your debts, your feelings-everything!"

The fellow may have been right about the company and its support (or lack of support) of sales but he couldn't change that. It didn't help any of us that he continually complained about the leads, location, and lack of advertising. He needed to take responsibility for his own sales process and begin to think about possibilities not problems.

Instead the focus on the problems put him in a negative mood so that he was somewhat snide when he talked to potential customers. Needless to say they rarely bought from him. His negative mood made him totally unattractive to the rest of us. I knew that I couldn't talk with him too often or I would also get caught up in his negativity.

My colleague's conversation is what Ben Zander and Rosamund Stone Zander call "downward spiral talk". They say in the book "The Art of Possibility", "Focusing on the abstraction of scarcity, downward spiral talk creates an unassailable story about the limits to what is possible and tells us compellingly how things are going from bad to worse."

Obviously it would be good to stop that kind of talk-if you can. This can be difficult especially if you are paid to find the problems with something. Lawyers look for holes in the other person's case, engineers look for problems to solve, and accountants often look for ways the numbers don't work.

There is energy in finding what is wrong with something. The key is to use that energy even if the use is to write a report or argue a case. My colleague needed to take the energy of his negativity and use that energy to find innovative ways to make the job interesting. That is what I had done when I made a game of it. Getting stuck in the negativity makes you a victim of circumstances rather than being 100% responsible for your own results.

Take Action:

1. Where are you being negative? Are you aware of a downward spiral talk in your work? How can you use the energy of the talk in a different way?

2. Read "The Art of Possibility" by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander and "The Success Principles" by Jack Canfield.

3. Another perspective on the issue of negativity: Julie Norem's The Positive Power of Negative Thinking: Using Defensive Pessimism to Harness Anxiety and Perform at Your Peak.

4. David Caruso and Peter Solovay in their book The Emotionally Intelligent Manager give these four key emotional skills:

a. Identifying Emotion: Emotions contain critical information and data.

b. Using Emotion: Different emotions help our thinking in different ways.

c. Understanding Emotion: Emotions follow a logical pattern, if you know how to look at them.

d. Managing Emotion: You cannot be effective without the wisdom of emotions.

How might these skills help you with downward spiral talk?

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Developing Your Extraordinary Mindset Opportunities

Just like artists who unleash their talent for being creative, you too can develop your own inspired creativity using the talents you have. Since your thoughts, attitudes, and expectations affect everything you do as a leader, you need to also look at your priorities as well as identify success factors for your company. Your critical goals and strategies to achieve these talents and successes are good places to begin. Experience new ways of thinking, not just about leadership, but about everything you do.

But business is business, and you want to get to the top and stay there. What do you do to make that happen? In paving your way toward becoming a better leader than you have been, the following tips are what I found for Developing an Extraordinary Mindset of Opportunities for those of you who want to become extraordinary leaders and those of you who are leaders and want to become even more
extraordinary leaders:

1. Develop Extraordinary Mindsets: Since your beliefs or the way you think produce the specific results you want, ask yourself, "Do I have a solid understanding of my game plan?" If so, begin to create attainable goals that will generate powerful results. If not, begin by writing down what you have already accomplished, and then add to that list what you want to accomplish as a business leader.

2. Develop Leadership Bench Strength: Be ready to strengthen your leadership capabilities. Tap into your natural strength areas of high performance management, articulating and implementing your vision, inspiring your people, having integrity, being accountable, as well as even more importantly, make things happen.

If you feel that some of your skills need a helping hand, build on them. Leading a team or a department is different from managing a team or a department. With that in mind, having a foundation of leadership skills on which to build gives you the opportunity to strengthen those skills when you use them and to gain other skills in the process. By integrating your new skills with the skills you already have, you are able to perform your job more effectively. It is vital that you acquire new skills that will enable you to perform effectively. Do not ignore any weaknesses you find either - work on improving them.

3. Focus your Mind: Evaluate your skills, knowledge, and competencies. Start by writing down a list of the things you have accomplished that were so exceptional that they gave you better results than what you expected. Manage your time according to your priorities. Also, when you make a decision, make sure you have both short- and long-term goals in mind. (Your legacy is also on the line here).

4. Take Control of Your Creativity: Do not analyze the reasons that something did not work to the exclusion of improving the situation so that it will work the next time. That is a waste of energy and time. At times you may need to go beyond traditional thinking when you are met with a challenge. Thinking more creatively by first brainstorming about how to solve a problem or in implementing a policy might be what is needed. Having an exchange of ideas with others can trigger the beginning of what you are looking for regarding a solution to a problem or even a new product or service that your company is looking to produce.

5. Exceptional People Skills: Have you ever wondered how some people can walk into a room full of strangers and leave with new friends and business acquaintances? This is where your interpersonal skills come into play as they are related to all of your other competencies. Look at how your skills are compared to those of Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence. (See Goleman's book entitled: Working with Emotional Intelligence as there are just too many to list here.)

6. View Obstacles as Opportunities: Do not think of the downside of what is holding you back or of how this is going to stop you from getting to where you want to go. Instead, think of obstacles as stepping stones and think of ways to get over what is stopping you. Learn to develop new ways of thinking about opportunities. You will be amazed of your improved communication skills, team-work, commitment to your work, as well as your increased organizational performance.

7. Forward Thinking: Knowing what to lead and aligning your skills with confidence and practical ideas to challenge issues with practical and creative solutions encourages the leader to think beyond the confines of traditional leadership. Since it provides you with different perspectives, your insights become unique for solving the issues at hand.

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Start with why -- how great leaders inspire action | Simon Sinek

Great Insight! Loved this message from Simon!

The Most Important Question to Always Ask: Does It Help Me Achieve My Goals?

Why do so many people not get what they want out of life?

Why do so many people find themselves falling into jobs they don't really want? Or living places that don't make them happy? Or with lifestyles that they find stressful?

How does someone go from dreaming of being a rock star, to being locked in an office to enter data onto a spreadsheet?

Well, there are many factors. But it usually starts by not clearly defining your goals or what you want. Because until you know exactly what it is you actually want, how can you possibly expect to get it?

That means it isn't good enough to decide you want to be 'rich', you need to know what you want to do to become rich. What kind of work you enjoy, how many hours you're willing to work etc.

Likewise, if you hope to become a rock star, then you might want to think about how you actually intend to make that happen. What does being a 'rock star' entail for you and how are you going to make it happen? What would you settle for?

And when you make all these decisions, you need to ensure that this is truly what you're passionate about - that your intended goal is something that you enjoy thinking about, enjoy working on and can't wait to make a reality.

The Simple Way to Make Decisions

The reason this is all so important, is that it will then allow you to make all your future decisions that much more easily. This is going to act like your barometer and your road map, to help you to get to the end destination that you want.

Now, whenever you find yourself making a decision, the question to ask is: does it help you achieve your goals?

So for instance, if you're umming and ahing over buying an expensive piece of equipment, then the simplest way to decide if it is a good idea or not is to ask if it will help you to accomplish your goals. Likewise, if you're unsure about where to live, or whether you should take a particular job opportunity, ask whether the decision is going to take you nearer or further from your goals.

The problem with many people who aren't quite sure what they want, is that their objectives end up on a kind of back burner and that other things seem to start getting in the way.

But if you really want to achieve something amazing - if you have a dream business idea that you really want to make happen - then you need to make this your priority and you need to change the way you think about everything else.

And it shouldn't feel like a sacrifice either. Because if you really love what you're working toward then it will mean fully embracing the thing you really want to be doing anyway. You just need to find what that passion is...

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