Finding My Wings

FINDING MY WINGS.

I’m probably going to get fired if I send this text,” I said to my husband, Mike.

“That’s never stopped you before,” he replied.

“You’re right,” I responded and hit send without hesitation.

You see, growing up, I was always an incredibly optimistic person with big dreams to make a huge difference in the world, and nothing ever stopped me. Yes, I realize many people feel this way, but for me it was an overwhelming driving force, dictating and controlling every life decision I made. I felt I had a great destiny, which granted me tremendous confidence and an unwavering need to follow my heart. I always fight for what’s right no matter the consequences.

I’ve abandoned incredibly successful careers, moved cities, spent hundreds of hours learning new skills, and held more new titles than I have fingers, never backing down and never regretting a decision—all in pursuit of my great destiny. The problem was that I had no idea what my destiny actually was.

Time passed and I was working as a fashion makeover producer on a popular television show. I loved my job, but I didn’t always agree with their work ethic. Most of the time, I could tolerate and justify it—the trade-off was that I was making a massive difference in women’s lives. Yet, when I was asked to turn a blind eye to something incredibly questionable, I couldn’t just stand idly by anymore and accept it. However, my protest fell on deaf ears.

Not willing to let it go, I made a final appeal via the fateful text. It was a miracle I wasn’t fired. Instead, a fair and right decision was made. I had won the battle, yet somehow, I had lost the war. Any enthusiasm I previously had for the production seemed to disappear after this day. I was no longer able to look the other way. My rose-colored glasses were lost, and it was time for me to move on.

Still in love with the idea of working in television, I felt my only option was to set my sights even higher: Oprah Winfrey higher. Go big or go home, I thought. Determined to get her attention and a job working for her, I wrote the most awe-inspiring cover letter I’d ever written, meticulously choosing every word to prove I was unmistakably an obvious choice.

Feeling proud of my work of art, I printed the letter to make one final check for mistakes. I couldn’t risk going unnoticed by a simple spelling error. Yet, the moment I held the letter, an uneasy, anxious feeling swept over me—a hesitation I’d never encountered before. I actually wondered if the confusing feelings were self-doubt. Didn’t I think I could get the job? I thought.

No way . . . you’re a self-professed Type A personality on overdrive, and you’ve never failed at anything you wanted, I bragged to myself.

Then why am I hesitating? Don’t I want the job? I apprehensively questioned. I sat for a few minutes and then an overwhelming rush of emotions came over, “OMG—I don’t!” I gasped aloud.

It was just that fast. In one split second, my overconfident swagger had quickly turned into devastating clarity. It was an unnerving and confusing feeling. If I didn’t want to work for Oprah, but I also unquestionably knew I couldn’t continue working where I was, what was I supposed to do now? More importantly, who was I supposed to be?

For the first time in my life, I didn’t have the answers and felt like a complete failure. It crushed me. In the months that followed, I began to isolate myself. I didn’t eat, I hardly slept, and I cried continuously. I had spiraled into a black hole and didn’t know how to find my way out. Then like a beacon of hope, an unexpected email hit my inbox. An old friend and mentor I hadn’t heard from in years asked to see me.

I was happy to hear from her but felt too depressed to meet. I decided to reply with a dismissive excuse. However, her persistent emails would eventually sway me, and I agreed to meet at her home. The moment she saw me, she knew something was wrong—even with my best attempt to hide my pain.

Before I knew it, I was confessing everything to her: the fateful text, the unsent cover letter, the devastating discovery, confusion, and sheer depression. She just listened.

Three emotional hours later, my friend decided it was my turn to listen. Compassionately, she acknowledged my pain. She told me she admired my determination and tenacity and had enjoyed watching me move from one successful career to the next, always in search of my great destiny, yet never finding it. Then very directly, she admitted she always felt like I’d missed looking in one very important place.

“Where?” I asked, completely oblivious to what she was referring to.

“Inside your heart,” she answered. “You’ve never stopped to ask yourself what you want or what your true passion is.”

“This breakdown, Heidi, is no more than a gift for you to finally discover what you’ve always been looking for,” she explained.

“I wouldn’t call what I’m going through a gift,” I wept, feeling very sorry for myself and deflated by her response. I also insisted I didn’t even know where to start.

“Give me a minute,” she answered and left the room. When she returned, she handed me a pad of paper and two blue pencils. Puzzled by the items, I asked what she expected me to do with them. “Start by getting to know yourself a little better. Make you a priority and schedule a meeting with yourself every week,” she explained.

I had journaled in the past, but I was unsure of my friend’s meeting advice. Yet, so desperate to feel better, I agreed to try it. The following Wednesday I met with myself for the first time. I actually wrote non-stop for an hour. My words were raw, painful, and incredibly vulnerable. I wrote about how angry I was at myself, my job, my life, and the overwhelming pressure I felt to make a difference. I questioned my confidence, my decisions, and most of all, I questioned Why me?

How is this supposed to be helping me? I cried to myself. The meeting had felt more like torture.

The following week, to avoid the same torment, I decided to eliminate any and all emotional thought. I was determined to keep it extremely professional. I created several pro/con lists, wrote about my likes and dislikes, and set numerous goals. It was a left-brain fiesta party that even my emotionally-driven right- brain enjoyed.

Huh. Maybe this could work, I smugly thought.

For weeks I continued the meetings. For some, I was able to keep them super organized, whereas others still fell off track and left me feeling emotionally weak again. Yet, something was changing. I started to notice that random conversations and opportunities began feeling more like coincidental messages, each one guiding me like signposts to understand who I was and what I was meant to do.

Then, as if the answer had always been there, I knew what I was supposed to do. It was unbelievably clear, and I couldn’t wait to tell someone.

“I feel I’m supposed to start a blog,” I confessed to my husband.

“Really?” A blog about what?” he asked, a little surprised by my announcement.

“I believe I’m meant to share my stories,” I answered, feeling really sure about my path.

“Cool! You have amazing stories. What are you going to call it?” he questioned, always being my biggest fan and supporter.

“I hadn’t really thought of a name,” I answered and looked down at my notepad for clues.

Surprisingly, three words immediately stood out like neon signs from random places on the paper. As I wrote the words on the bottom of the page, I said the name aloud, “Positive People Army.”

My husband chuckled, “Well, I didn’t expect to hear that. What’s the Positive People Army?”

As I stared at the words, an overwhelming rush of both fear and excitement took my breath away and made my skin tingle.

“Heidi, did you hear me? What’s the Positive People Army?” he asked again, trying to get my attention.

When I finally exhaled, I felt like I’d let go of a lifetime of holding my breath. It was unbelievably powerful and exhilarating. I felt awake.

“Are you okay?” Mike asked, looking a little confused by my reaction.

When I finally composed myself, I admitted to Mike I’d never been better. A few weeks later, I launched the Positive People Army blog with its first story. I still didn’t understand what the PPA was, but I had faith the answers would come.

In the coming months, hundreds of people found the website. It felt amazing to connect with so many people and to make a positive difference together. I felt alive. What I’ve come to learn is we are not born with a perfectly clear answer as to what our purpose is. It’s a struggle almost every person goes through—a struggle because we become so distracted by work, daily commitments, goals, and other people’s opinions. Our awareness of our unique life purpose is easily dimmed, leaving us feeling lost, lonely, unfulfilled, and depressed.

No matter how noisy the world gets or how hard the darkness seems, we need to remember there is always a small voice whispering. That voice is you, waiting to be heard and acknowledged. Just like Glenda, the Good Witch told Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, “You’ve always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.”

I did eventually leave my job, and the Positive People Army has grown into an incredible positive movement. All because I chose to listen to my heart and my purpose, my destiny appeared. So, I ask all of you, are you ready to listen to that voice inside you? The world is waiting to hear.

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Success and Winning Changes Everything

Success is the sum of all our small efforts. Winning isn't fast and easy. Our life is built one brick at a time and one moment at a time. But we can develop a wining attitude so that we can win.

Winning is something that builds us physically and mentally every day. You must be prepared for a roller coaster ride to win though. But that is to be expected, because winning is for the hard worker and for someone who wants it bad enough.

There are moments in life when you arrive at a crossroads. Either you keep doing the same thing with the same results or you change your life and do something completely different. Winners do the latter. Winners make a decision to win.

However, to win you must make quite a few small and some not so small tweaks in your life.

First, you have to choose your friends wisely. If they are putting you down all the time and pulling you off your path, you will never win. There is a chance that those friends are losers and want you to be as well so that they can feel comfortable hanging out with you.

Second, don't spend your time in worthless pursuits such as bar hopping or hanging out until all hours of the night. You are too busy and focused for this. This drains your energy and turns you into a loser.

Third, be focused on your goal-whatever it is. Success is commitment to the process. Successful people just put in the time honing their skills and getting better all the time. They are willing to do the work.

Fourth, winners don't expect to get easy rides. They know that it will be hard work. But they believe that it is worth it, and they are willing to put in the time and energy and make the sacrifices necessary.

Fifth, remember, you won't see results right away so don't expect them. But realize that once you are successful for a while, you will be propelled to continue to work hard until you win.

Sixth, there is no magic pill to be successful. Anyone who is willing to work hard will win. So, therefore, if you work hard, you too will win. You just must believe in yourself and trust the process.

Successful know how to win. They put in the hard work and they are willing to be focused on their goal to such an extent that they won't let anything get in the way of their pursuing it. Are you ready for the challenge? Can you decide to work past small burps in the road to your destination? All it takes is the will to win, and once you develop this will, your life will change forever.

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10 Steps to Detox Your Life

1. Frequently late

The cure to lateness is twofold: learn to estimate time better, and get more organized, so you are not delayed by looking for last minute items. "How to Stretch Time" can help. Perhaps the most important reason to cure yourself of lateness is that it is rude to others, and costs you their good opinion. If your partner is late, stop waiting! Set a reasonable grace period (eg: 15 minutes) and then leave; leaving a note about how to meet you wherever you're going. That way, you are not forced to operate on the other person's time schedule. You'll be surprised at how quickly he or she will learn to be on time.

2. Often angry or irritated

Being easily angered or irritated is a great way to punish yourself. It raises your blood pressure, and tends to create unnecessary problems with others. Anger interferes with clear thinking, and being irritable makes it unpleasant and difficult for others to work or socialize with you. To reform this habit, you must develop more emotional maturity. Understand that your anger is not seen as power by others, but as childishness and petulance. It will lose you far more than you will gain. Learn to slow down, and reduce your overly high expectations. Allow others to be themselves, and don't expect them to march to your drum. Counting to 10 works wonders, as does taking three deep breaths when you are upset.

A discipline like yoga, meditation, tai chi, or another calming pursuit will teach you patience. Strenuous physical activity is a great way to burn off excess anger. If none of these work, see a therapist or join an anger management group.

3. Unsure of ability to do something

Insecurity and feelings of incompetence are definitely stressful, but they may also be useful. Find out if you really are unprepared for the task ahead. Don't be afraid to ask questions, or ask for help. It's OK to be a beginner, even if you're an expert in other things. If you don't try to pretend you're better than you are, you will get more help from others. Take it slowly, and allow yourself to learn as you go. Above all, be supportive to yourself, and don't subject yourself to harsh internal criticism.

4. Overextended

Frequently becoming overextended can be a sign of grandiosity -- overblown expectations of your abilities -- or of trying to control everything. Reduce your expectations of your own accomplishments, and allow others to help you in their own way. In the long run, being a team player is usually more efficient than trying to do it all alone and becoming overwhelmed.

5. Not enough time for stress relief

This is an aspect of being overextended, and may be a sign that you always come last in your own life. Learn to schedule time for yourself to relax and to play. If you write personal time on your schedule the same way you do appointments with others, you'll be more likely to actually do it. Join a class or group that meets regularly for a relaxing activity such as dancing, stretching or meditation, or schedule a regular massage, manicure or facial, so you'll have a guaranteed place to relax.

6. Feeling unbearably tense

If your anxiety is this high, you may need therapy. Anxiety and panic attacks are among the easiest things to fix in counseling sessions. Anxiety is usually the result of non-stop negative self-talk, which keeps you anxious about everything. Try affirmations and/or prayer to counteract the running commentary in your mind. Learn to breathe deeply from your diaphragm when you feel anxious -- it slows your heartbeat and calms you down.

7. Frequently pessimistic

A negative attitude is a result of negative self-talk, and of a negative attitude probably learned in childhood. There are many self-help books which will guide you in learning to change the nature of your approach to life, including It Ends With You. Techniques such as prayer and affirmations, counting your blessings, and setting small goals every day will help you turn this around.

8. Upset by conflicts with others

All conflict is upsetting. The key is to reduce the amount of conflict in your life. Many of the above techniques, such as anger reduction and positive self-talk, will contribute to improving your relationships with others. In addition, you can learn better social techniques such as active

listening, positive regard, win-win negotiation and clear communication which will eliminate the source of conflict. Learn to listen to others (even when you don't agree) and, before speaking, consider how your words might feel to the other person. Treat other people more as you would like them to treat you, and, most important, stop and think before reacting to someone else.

9. Worn-out or burned-out

Burnout is the result of feeling overextended or ineffective for a long period of time. Most of us can deal with small amounts of frustration or feeling overwhelmed, but if it goes on too long, we lose all our motivation, and become burned out. Motivation comes from celebration and appreciation, so learn to celebrate each little accomplishment, and seek appreciation when you need it. If you have trouble doing that, perhaps it's time to make a career change or to change some other aspect of your life.

10. Feeling lonely

Loneliness may not result from actually being alone, but more from feeling misunderstood or not valued. People often isolate themselves because they feel inadequate in social situations. Value the friends you do have, and make new friends by attending classes or other group events where you can focus on a task or assignment. This will take the pressure off your contact with other people, and give you something in common with them. Be wary of spending too much time on your computer, in chat rooms, etc. These activities absorb time, but do little to dispel loneliness. Make sure you schedule some time with a friend at least once a week, and if you don't have friends, then use that weekly time to take a class or join a group (for example, a book club or sports group) which will give you a chance to make new friends.

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Create Harmonizing Thoughts

As much as you would like to think otherwise and blame your circumstances or the people around you, the outcomes or results you experience in your life, are the result of only one person - "YOU". As James Allen so aptly said in his book, titled "As a Man Thinketh", "A Person is the causer (though nearly always unconsciously) of his circumstances, and that, whilst aiming at the good end, he is continually frustrating its accomplishment by encouraging thoughts and desires which cannot possibly harmonize with that end."

Great Example

In his book, As a Man Thinketh, James Allen offers an example to support his philosophy as stated above. He tells the story of a very wealthy man, with a very gluttonous demeanour, who suffers from a very painful disease. He spends large sums of money to try to get well and to try to find a cure, when all he needed to do was to change his bad glutinous habits. The wealthy man can never achieve good health and get rid of the disease; irrespective of how much money he spends. Until he aligns his desires and brings them into harmony with good health he seeks.

Have you uncovered your desires?

Are your desires aligned and in harmony with the outcomes you want to achieve. You can never achieve anything meaningful, unless you find a way to align what you want, with your beliefs, values and thoughts. You are creating your circumstances all the time, with your beliefs, thoughts and actions or lack thereof. Your belief around what you think or believe you deserve to achieve, is what determines what action you are willing to take and more importantly, they may also cause you to sabotage your own efforts too.

When you start to achieve success, which is outside of what you believe possible for you or, which pulls you out of your self-imposed comfort zone. You will subconsciously sabotage yourself. Sounds really crazy, that someone would sabotage himself or herself, but it is a well-researched fact that people subconsciously sabotage their efforts, when they are pulled out of what is familiar or comfortable. Explore your own belief system right now. Can you think of a time when you unconsciously stood in your own way or sabotaged your own efforts? I am certain you can think of quite a few.

Do you believe that Attitude is everything?

I am sure you can relate to the story above, about the wealthy businessman. Where you have experienced similar circumstances, you want things to change, but you are not willing to change the things, which will help you to achieve the result or change you want. Unless you get out of your own way and change your attitude, behaviour and habits, you will never escape the place where you live right now. I have spent so much time in my own life, desperately wanting to remove certain negative circumstances from my own life, while thinking thoughts, taking actions and retaining the habits, which resulted in the circumstances in the first place. You can never change anything, unless you find a way to align your thoughts, actions and habits, with the outcome you want to achieve.

You can Change your thought patterns

A few years ago I made a new year's resolution. I was committed to spend more quality time with my family. I enthusiastically laid out a schedule of activities, which we would do together. I was very excited by the prospect of spending more time with the people I loved so dearly. The plan I had laid out and all my good intentions put me in line, for winning the father of the year prize that year.

Let it suffice to say, that had there been a top dad competition that year, I would have placed stone last. Despite my good intentions, I had not changed my thought patterns, habits or actions at all. I got wrapped up in running my businesses, justifying my need to be present all the time. I constantly found good reasons to justify why could not to meet my commitment. I had paid lip service towards spending time with my family, but had not changed the habitual thoughts and actions, which had kept me away from my family in the first place.

As you know - Circumstances don't change you do

I am sure you have heard the saying that goes, "If you want things to change, you need to change" Nothing can or will change in your life, until you change the things, which brought those circumstances about in the first place. You need to harmonize, your thinking, habits and actions, with the results you want to achieve. To think any differently, is to be as foolish as the wealthy man described earlier, who wanted change, but would not change his own behaviour, which was the root cause of the problem in the first place.

See it when you believe it

Wayne Dyer, is one of the most enlightened people I have ever met. He said it so well, when he said, "Work each day on your thoughts rather than concentrating on your behaviour. It is your thinking that creates the feelings you have and ultimately your actions as well."

Explore your drive, passion and excitement. Try to uncover and discover the thoughts, habits and actions, which are necessary to support you to achieve your vision. Once you have discovered these three crucial elements for success, the rest will seem easy. Remember that "Nothing ever happens to you, things happen because of you"

Source

Create Harmonizing Thoughts

As much as you would like to think otherwise and blame your circumstances or the people around you, the outcomes or results you experience in your life, are the result of only one person - "YOU". As James Allen so aptly said in his book, titled "As a Man Thinketh", "A Person is the causer (though nearly always unconsciously) of his circumstances, and that, whilst aiming at the good end, he is continually frustrating its accomplishment by encouraging thoughts and desires which cannot possibly harmonize with that end."

Great Example

In his book, As a Man Thinketh, James Allen offers an example to support his philosophy as stated above. He tells the story of a very wealthy man, with a very gluttonous demeanour, who suffers from a very painful disease. He spends large sums of money to try to get well and to try to find a cure, when all he needed to do was to change his bad glutinous habits. The wealthy man can never achieve good health and get rid of the disease; irrespective of how much money he spends. Until he aligns his desires and brings them into harmony with good health he seeks.

Have you uncovered your desires?

Are your desires aligned and in harmony with the outcomes you want to achieve. You can never achieve anything meaningful, unless you find a way to align what you want, with your beliefs, values and thoughts. You are creating your circumstances all the time, with your beliefs, thoughts and actions or lack thereof. Your belief around what you think or believe you deserve to achieve, is what determines what action you are willing to take and more importantly, they may also cause you to sabotage your own efforts too.

When you start to achieve success, which is outside of what you believe possible for you or, which pulls you out of your self-imposed comfort zone. You will subconsciously sabotage yourself. Sounds really crazy, that someone would sabotage himself or herself, but it is a well-researched fact that people subconsciously sabotage their efforts, when they are pulled out of what is familiar or comfortable. Explore your own belief system right now. Can you think of a time when you unconsciously stood in your own way or sabotaged your own efforts? I am certain you can think of quite a few.

Do you believe that Attitude is everything?

I am sure you can relate to the story above, about the wealthy businessman. Where you have experienced similar circumstances, you want things to change, but you are not willing to change the things, which will help you to achieve the result or change you want. Unless you get out of your own way and change your attitude, behaviour and habits, you will never escape the place where you live right now. I have spent so much time in my own life, desperately wanting to remove certain negative circumstances from my own life, while thinking thoughts, taking actions and retaining the habits, which resulted in the circumstances in the first place. You can never change anything, unless you find a way to align your thoughts, actions and habits, with the outcome you want to achieve.

You can Change your thought patterns

A few years ago I made a new year's resolution. I was committed to spend more quality time with my family. I enthusiastically laid out a schedule of activities, which we would do together. I was very excited by the prospect of spending more time with the people I loved so dearly. The plan I had laid out and all my good intentions put me in line, for winning the father of the year prize that year.

Let it suffice to say, that had there been a top dad competition that year, I would have placed stone last. Despite my good intentions, I had not changed my thought patterns, habits or actions at all. I got wrapped up in running my businesses, justifying my need to be present all the time. I constantly found good reasons to justify why could not to meet my commitment. I had paid lip service towards spending time with my family, but had not changed the habitual thoughts and actions, which had kept me away from my family in the first place.

As you know - Circumstances don't change you do

I am sure you have heard the saying that goes, "If you want things to change, you need to change" Nothing can or will change in your life, until you change the things, which brought those circumstances about in the first place. You need to harmonize, your thinking, habits and actions, with the results you want to achieve. To think any differently, is to be as foolish as the wealthy man described earlier, who wanted change, but would not change his own behaviour, which was the root cause of the problem in the first place.

See it when you believe it

Wayne Dyer, is one of the most enlightened people I have ever met. He said it so well, when he said, "Work each day on your thoughts rather than concentrating on your behaviour. It is your thinking that creates the feelings you have and ultimately your actions as well."

Explore your drive, passion and excitement. Try to uncover and discover the thoughts, habits and actions, which are necessary to support you to achieve your vision. Once you have discovered these three crucial elements for success, the rest will seem easy. Remember that "Nothing ever happens to you, things happen because of you"

Source

What Drives You? The Secrets To Motivating Yourself

"Your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing." - Abraham Lincoln

Bianca rose to the sound of pigeons cooing and traffic grumbling on the street below. As she yawned and stretched, she thought about what was waiting for her that day.

She felt her motivation slowly drain away with each deadline and commitment that zipped through her thoughts. As Bianca began to wither and wilt internally, she remembered the motivation pills she had purchased last week from the Good Value Pharmacy.

There were yellow pills labelled 'Money', pink pills labelled 'Pride', green pills labelled 'Family', purple pills labelled 'Respect' and some ugly grey pills labelled 'Nagging Advice'. The chemist had told her as he dispensed the pills that some would work for her and some would not... he could never tell in advance which pills would work for which customers. With that advice in mind and a smile on her lips, Bianca reached for the one she knew would be just right for her...

One of the best things you can do for yourself on your journey of self discovery is to work out what drives you. The first step is to identify your values as they provide the fuel for your motivation and the drive behind everything you do in life. If you value something you will always find the motivation and energy to do it. If you don't value something, you will always struggle to find the motivation and energy to do it.

Values

Your values are what are important to you. They are the broad concepts that guide your decisions in life and form the basis of your character. Your values also determine how you spend your time. For example, if your most important value is health, you will spend your time quite differently from someone whose most important value is career or family.

Values also drive all your motivation. You won't pursue a course of action unless it relates to something you value at some level. Identifying your values allows you to kick-start your own motivation, set goals that are appropriate and spend time on things that are important to you.

How Your Values Are Formed

Your values come from a number of sources including your family, friends, religion, school, teachers, country and the media. They are also shaped at any time in your life by significant emotional events such as natural disasters, emotional abuse, global depression or war.

Your values change as you grow and evolve. When you change your values, you will also change some of your beliefs and the way you live life.

How To Identify Your Personal Values

Identifying your personal values helps you to:

• Understand why some issues are a problem for you;
• See why some things motivate you and others don't; and
• Identify and overcome problem areas of your life.

For example, assume you have weight issues. You determine your personal values and find that health and fitness doesn't even rate a mention within your values. You may have found the reason why you are having weight issues, i.e. health and fitness is not something you value. While this remains the case it will be very difficult for you to lose weight and gain a greater level of health and fitness in your life as you will not have any motivation to do so.

You can identify your values by asking yourself:

• What is important to me in relation to my life, career, relationships etc?
• What would cause me to leave my life, career, relationships, etc?

When you have an understanding of your values, it is useful to see how they affect your motivation.

Motivation

Your values drive your motivation. If you set goals that are aligned with your values, you will have the motivation to help you achieve them. If you set goals that are not in line with your values, it will be an uphill struggle to achieve them.

When you understand your values and their impact on how you are currently motivating yourself you will have a wonderful insight into why you achieve the results that you do in life. You will also know how to motivate yourself more effectively in the future.

Motivation comes either from within you (intrinsic motivation) or from an external source (extrinsic motivation).

Extrinsic motivation is provided by some factor external to you. It can take the form of inducements (rewards) or punishments. The rewards can be tangible or intangible (such as praise).

Intrinsic motivation is evident when you engage in an activity for its own sake without any external incentive. It appears from research done by Albert Bandura that if you have more self efficacy (belief in your own abilities to control your environment) you are more highly intrinsically motivated than other people.

As intrinsic motivation is the only one you can take with you and call upon at any time, it is the most important in terms of self motivation.

Intrinsic motivation can be broken down further into 'towards' motivation and 'away from' motivation. 'Towards' motivation is motivation towards something you want and 'away from' motivation is motivation away from something you don't want.

'Away From' Motivation

'Away from' motivation is driven by pain. Pain motivated performance is not pleasant, produces inconsistent results and disappears when the pain is no longer present.

'Away from motivation' does, however, give you a strong initial motivation to move away from the thing you don't want in your life. A problem with using this type of motivation is that you wait until things are bad before you take action to change them. Another problem is that you don't have a target or goal that you are aiming for (just something you are running from) so you don't tend to achieve results.

Sophia uses 'away from' motivation in relation to her weight. As a result she is the classic yo yo dieter. Her process goes like this. Sophia looks in the mirror and sees that she is overweight. She says to herself, 'I don't want to be fat anymore'. She then goes on a diet to ensure she is no longer fat. (She is moving away from being fat). At some point she looks in the mirror and sees that she looks fantastic and is no longer fat. As she is no longer fat, she has just lost the source of her motivation (to no longer be fat). As there is no longer any motivation, she no longer stays on the diet and discards her exercise regime. She will not be motivated to do whatever she needs to stay fit and healthy. At some point in the future she will look in the mirror and again form the judgment that she is fat and the process will start all over again.

When you are motivated away from something that you don't want in life, you tend to focus upon the very thing you don't want and that is what you attract into your life. As examples:

• If you constantly say to yourself, 'I don't want to be broke', your focus is upon being broke and that is where your unconscious mind will aim.
• If you constantly say to yourself, "I don't want to be single", your focus is upon being single and that is where your unconscious mind will aim.

Motivation away from what you don't want can motivate you, but it doesn't do so for long and you can't be sure what results you will achieve. It can give you a fantastic initial boost of energy, but you can never guarantee where you are going to end up as you don't have a firm direction in mind, just a place you want to get away from. If you use away from motivation in your life, you will tend to create a series of crises to keep yourself motivated.

'Towards' Motivation

If you use 'towards motivation' you will take action to move towards your goal and you will achieve them more often than not.

'Towards' motivation is the best way to motivate yourself. When you are motivated towards what you want, you tend to stay consistently motivated until you achieve your goal (provided you desire it enough).

When you are motivated towards what you want, you constantly set and achieve goals each time stretching yourself further. By using motivation towards what you want you give yourself a far greater chance of achieving what you want out of life.

How Do You Know If The Motivation You Use Is 'Towards' Or 'Away From' Motivation?

We now know that values drive your motivation and that motivation can be either towards what you want or away from what you don't want. Now it is time to review your values to discover whether the underlying motivation for each of your values is:

• towards what you want; or
• away from what you don't want.

To determine whether the underlying motivation for each value is 'towards' or 'away from' ask yourself, "Why is that value important to me?" then listen to your self-talk and note what you say to yourself. The clues to whether you are using towards or away from motivation for that value are:

You are probably using 'towards' motivation if you:

• talk about what you do want
• don't use comparisons in your explanation (better than, worse than, more than)

You are probably using 'away from' motivation if you:

• talk about what you don't want
• make comparisons in your explanation or use words such as 'better than', 'more than', 'less than', 'best' etc. (These show you are unhappy with where you currently are)
• use words such as 'must', 'need', 'have to', 'got to' etc

As an example, assume that 'money' was your highest value in relation to your career. You then ask yourself, "Why is the value 'compensation' important to me in relation to my career?"

If your answer is, "Because I want to make a lot of money and live in luxury", the response would indicate 'towards' motivation for this value.

If your answer is, "Because I don't want to be broke and I have to be able to pay my bills", the response would indicate 'away from' motivation for this value.

Your chances of achieving goals relating to 'money' are much greater if you are using towards motivation.

If you find that you have identified 'away from' motivation in relation to any of your values, you will find:

• This area of your life is one where you will experience the most difficulties;
• You will not be achieving the results in this area of your life that you might wish; and
• There are unresolved issues to be cleared away and healed in relation to this area of your life before you will experience the success you desire.

This is wonderful information to have as it identifies areas of your life for you to focus upon.

Problems With Motivation

We all experience problems with motivation at some point. Those times when you just can't seem to find the desire to do things you know you should. The problems can arise because:

• You are low on energy. There are some easy things I'm sure you do when you are feeling 'low' to get your energy back. Remember too that sometimes in life, you need and deserve a rest.
• The thing you are aiming towards is not something you value. (In this case, question whether you should be exerting your energy in that direction); or
• You have a problem with your motivation strategy (see below).

If it is your motivation strategy that is causing you challenges, identify which part of the strategy is causing the problem and then use one of the following techniques to assist you to change it. If you are not motivated because:

• You feel overwhelmed, break the goal down into smaller steps and do them one at a time.
• You are only using 'away from' motivation, identify where you are aiming and focus upon the positive outcomes of attaining it.
• You feel obliged to pursue the goal, either accept the goal is not for you and let it go or focus upon the positive outcomes you will get from achieving the goal.
• You are scared, identify what could go wrong and what you would do if it did.

In Summary

If you understand your values, you will understand what motivates you and why. If you discover whether you are using towards or away from motivation in different areas of your life, you will have answers for why some parts of your life are successful and others are not. If you use one of the above techniques to overcome common motivation problems... and you take action... you should be on your way to success!

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